Sandra's Smile

Eternal remembrance of Sandra Bland.

July 13, 2015.

Sandra Bland was 28 years old when she was arrested for a minor traffic violation, and later died in police custody.

It took several days for authorities to release the footage of her arrest and detainment - the public no longer appeased by the bare minimum.

Every time I would drive, I thought about her. I opted for a car with sensors and monitoring to notify me of a malfunctioning taillight. I installed cameras in my car and home to record the violations and intrusions that have occurred - the economic expense worth the price of Life. I thought I could mitigate this one thing: the attempted erasure of footage and person.

We marched together in June 2020 after the murders of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor.

For those that are left behind, we try to make sense of the senseless. As poet Chris Crawford said:

“Dear God, please never let me become a hashtag.”

Sandra and Me

As an intimate witness to the heartbreak and grappling of persistent reminders of my sub-humanity, I never could have prepared for this same witness to be the reason I was begging not to be like Sandra Bland. I begged and pleaded with agents of the law about the dangers of being a Black Woman driving without proof of insurance, a document withheld by my abuser. I repeatedly warned that hindering my ability to track my vehicle would increase the risk of theft and exposure to the dehumanizing exercises of law enforcement. Despite 4 months of warnings and pleading, less than 2 days at my new residence, I watched thieves drive my car away from a window.

There is no time to cry or be human when a nightmare is unfolding - I could only think:

“Stay focused. You will not be a hashtag. Stay calm.”

I contacted my abuser to notify them of the theft and beg once more for a document that would take them less than 1 minute to share, to enable the tracking of my vehicle as apathetic law enforcement brushed me off. The reality of the value placed on my Life became frighteningly apparent. Instead of confirming I was not in any danger, my abuser quickly made several attempts to hinder my ability to file an insurance claim; the many intimate witnessings of harm toward my Black Life a helpful blueprint on how to further harm, instead of protect me from the same fate of Sandra Bland and Breonna Taylor.

The convenience of chosen cognitive dissonance and conscious bias has now erased the 2020 unified chant we exclaimed while marching in solidarity for humanity.

“NO JUSTICE, NO PEACE.”

In that same weekend, as I navigated law enforcement, insurance, and black mould in my new residence, my abuser was happily sharing themselves at the airport heading to another vacation.

Silence has only served to protect my abusers at the expense of my safety and humanity. I don’t share my experience to be salacious or harmful - I share now because silence is bringing me closer to death than to Life.

Silence now could become a hashtag soon.

Practically Speaking, Freedom

I have long abstained from the harmfully divisive and isolating gossip that has kept me an alien in communities I have yearned to belong to. By sharing my Truth during the storm, fumbling out loud, comfort and aesthetics aside - I pray to be a testament of powerful community support. The only silence I now hold is for the judgment of critics who have never been in the arena.

The pain of discipline toward lasting Freedom is always more bearable than the pain of regret and silent suffering.

This evening, I will release a long-form video that further clarifies the reality of the dangers I face as agents of the law continue to dismiss and ignore my pleas. I implore you to take some time to watch and witness, allowing for a deeper understanding and better support. It will be available on my Instagram, X, Threads, and Substack accounts.

“We all saw Sandra Bland die, we all heard the words she said as it happened… Closed our eyes for a while, but I still see Sandra’s smile.”

- Dev Hynes of Blood Orange

In Gratitude and Freedom,

Kaeyae Alo

✨ Dedicated to: Sandra Bland, Breonna Taylor, and Gogo Mary

*THIS IS NOT LEGAL ADVICE

#PracticallySpeakingFreedom